Five Things About Current Events

It’s Monday. That’s the day that follows the weekend. So, yeah, the weekend is over. And that makes exactly no people happy. Well, except that one guy, but no one really likes him. Plus, have you seen the way he watches you when you’re eating Chinese food? It’s like, dude, get your own kung pao. You just walk in, order it, and they make it for you.

Ahem.

Odds are good that some non-zero number of people, having just read my assertion that it’s no longer the weekend, immediately mumbled something hateful under their breath. Something along the lines of, “Thanks for the effin’ reminder that’s it’s back to the salt mines, Captain Obvious. You’re such a jerk-wad.”

Well, that took a turn, didn’t it? Anyway, my point was not to demonstrate my prowess at jerk-wad-ery, but rather to underscore that at the start of a new week, it’s always a wonderful time to comment on the things that are happening, both in the recent past and the very near future.

Thus, I give you the ever-popular enumerated list, “Five Things About Current Events”:

My Sports Teams – Yesterday, my Reds lost, completing a painful three-game sweep at home, suffered at the hands of the perennially questionable/2013 upstart Pittsburgh Pirates. My Bengals fared no better, traveling north to face the Cleveland Browns, who just last week seemingly cashed in on the 2013/14 season by trading their best player. Falling 17-6 when people had you pegged as a sleeper Super Bowl contender is not just embarrassing, it’s getting-knocked-around-by-your-little-sister’s-Penny-Pee-Pee-doll embarrassing. It was not a good day to be a Cincinnati sports fan. Hopefully the NL Wildcard game tomorrow night will fix that.
Breaking Bad – So, the big show came to it’s finale last night. Maybe you’ve heard something about it? I know this admission makes me a terrible person, but I’ve never been on the boat with Breaking Bad. Not for any good reason, only because I didn’t start when it started and can’t bring myself to try catching up. And, honestly, it always seemed dark and tense to me, and requiring of a Serious Commitment. Maybe someday I’ll be mature enough for all that, but until then, I’m gonna stick with my escapist nonsense shows. Don’t hate me.
Federal Government – Unless the US House of Representatives shows a sudden accumulation of reasoned thought, it looks like non-essential parts of the Federal government will be going on furlough tomorrow, for as long as it takes for the ~~whining children on Capitol Hill~~ our representatives to decide who’s football it really is. For reasons beyond my understanding, though, the members of Congress will apparently continue to get paid during this period despite repeatedly demonstrating their lack of necessity. I suggest that everyone with the pleasure of being furloughed tomorrow make sure to call your representatives and share with them your idea of just how essential you think they are at the. Maybe do it three or four times. Why not, right? You’ll unfortunately have a few free hours every day.
Sleepy Hollow – Since I was young enough to understand that the Headless Horseman wandered around on a fiery steed claiming the heads of townspeople like a greedy kid at the candy store, The Legend of Sleepy Hollow has been my favorite Halloween ghost story. Now, admittedly, this new show on Fox isn’t perfect, but it’s creepy in all the right places and has characters I actually enjoy watching. Plus, it knows when to add a touch of lightness. Set your DVRs to “Puddin Said Don’t Miss It”.
October is here – According to pretty much every Julian calendar I can get my hands on, tomorrow if the first day of the month of October. As we all know, October is the best, most awesome month of the year. Seriously, it’s always the month picked first when the months play kickback, and it’s the most fun to have at a sleepover. On the off chance you might be mistakenly thinking that another month is the coolest, well, I’m sorry to have to say this, but welcome to Wrongsville, population: you. Now let’s hear it for Halloween, my anniversary, moderate weather, creepy nights, and harvest ales.